Good-hearted Friends (Updated)

A good friend is someone who is kind, caring and makes you laugh, someone who is always there to lend an ear when needed. It takes being a listener and always being present to be a good friend.

This blog post delves into the characteristics and actions that define a good-hearted friend.

It is important for friends to be accepting of others. Friends should support one another and help each other through challenging times.

The most important thing about friends is to have fun with them, whether it be going to a movie, or just hanging out at home and playing games.

Friends should be able to respect each other’s opinions, but also have the ability to debate and discuss. If you have the chance to spend time with a friend, take it!

Don’t get caught up in your busy schedule and miss opportunities to get together with friends. It is important to be respectful. 

The Buddha taught that we should always respect others and their beliefs, so it is very important that if your friends do not have the same beliefs as you, you should respect their opinions and be open to having discussions with them.

Buddha’s Singalovada Sutta Speaks of Good-Hearted Friends

A few paragraphs in the singalovada sutta describe what true friends are; and what true friends are not; and how having true friends will lead to a blissful existence. 

If we are lucky to have these kinds of friends, then we should treasure them and be grateful for them. True friends will support us whether we succeed or fail.

You don’t need to look for perfection in friendship, instead find someone who has your back and truly cares about you.

Sigalovada Sutta is the Buddha’s discourse to Sigalaka (Sigala) on what constitutes good friends and bad friends.

In Sigalovada Sutta, Buddha says: 

Know these four good-hearted friends, young man: the helper, the friend who endures in good and bad times (enduring friend), the mentor friend, and the compassionate friend. 

• 1) There are four ways to identify a helper friend: by protecting you when you are vulnerable, or by protecting your wealth, by providing refuge when you are afraid, or by providing double what is requested.
• 2) The enduring friend is someone who tells secrets, guards your own secrets closely, does not abandon you in times of confusion, and even dies for you. 
• 3) Mentor friends can be recognized by four things: restraining you from wrongdoing, guiding you towards good actions, telling you what you need to know, and showing you the path to samsaric heaven. 
• 4) A compassionate friend does not rejoice in your misfortune, but in your good fortune, prevents harm from being done to you, and encourages others to praise your virtues. 

Good friends are those who are generous, cooperative, empathetic and supportive. The Buddha proposed that we look for these characteristics in the friendships we cultivate.

A helper friend is someone who gives more than they’re asked, always standing ready to take an interest in what you care about and listen to your concerns.

This person comes to you as an independent person who wants to support you in any way that can be wholesome.

Compassionate friends are the people who are able to help you when you need it most- even if it means that their own life will suffer as a result.

They are not the ones who only help you when it benefits themselves, and forsake you otherwise. 

During my youth, I had friends who came to help me move house, had a long drive home, but still came back the next day ready to help again. 

In that sense, true friends are the people who will be there no matter what- when you need them most and will help you no matter the cost. 

Bad friends can also be identified by several characteristics: taking without giving; grabbing at friendship when someone is in a difficult situation and making them feel pressured by their presence; being careless about other people’s feelings; and refusing to help friends in need. 

These are the kind of people we should avoid. 

Bad friends can be emotionally volatile, selfish, manipulative or even abusive. They will use you for their own means, and then discard you when they have reached their goal. This is not how friendship is supposed to work.

True or good friends encourage us to develop wholesomeness; protect us from wrongdoing; create harmony wherever they go; and support us in difficult times.

Parting Words

In conclusion, most major religions advocate for compassion as a means of fostering true friendships.

It is crucial to remember that friendships should be based on genuine connections with individuals who truly care for and support you, rather than societal expectations.

These values align with Buddha’s teachings, which include compassion for all living beings, the interconnectedness of all beings, and living with gratitude.

Ultimately, it is not the religion or faith that matters but rather treating every person with respect and kindness. By embracing these principles, life can be made easier for all.